According to Sue Johnson in her latest book, Love Sense, the number one complaint that couples report when seeking therapeutic help from a couples therapist is problems in their sexual relationship.
So what does it take to build a lifelong passionate marriage??
It takes a quality of emotional safety and intimacy to create a lifelong passionate love affair.
“Problems in the bedroom don’t stem from sex at all, but rather from the lack of emotional intimacy…
It is emotion- the quality of our connection to another person that defines the type of sex we have, the satisfaction we drive from it and the impact it has on our romantic relationships”
– Sue Johnson
There are a number of current cultural myths perpetuated by the media…
- We have to be beautiful or strong and sexy to have great sex – We all pale by comparison to the Brad Pitt’s and Jolie’s of the world… but that doesn’t create great sex.
- Good sex doesn’t take practice or conversation… it’s supposed to just happen – Think of the image of the ice skaters in the Olympics – the synchronisity, the exquisite way they match each other’s moves. That took A LOT of practice, and failed attempts, and conversation.
- Satisfying sexual encounters always lead to an amazing orgasmic experience – We need to broaden our definition of a sexual experience to include just skin on skin holding and exploration and pleasure.
Bonus tip: Instead of asking your partner, “Do you want to have sex?” ask them, “Would you like to be close and feel pleasured?” Now that’s a great invitation!
Many behavioral sex therapists will focus on behaviors… but here’s the kicker:
The sexual experience is an emotional connector, NOT just a sensation driven opportunity for orgasm. Therefore it takes 3 things…
Ready to hear what they are? Then listen in below as Joseph Losi and I are interviewed on Sue Lundquist’s show, The Gratitude Cafe:
Need some help making it happen in your marriage? Check out our Hold Me Tight Seattle couples workshops where we dive deep into putting these principles into practice in your relationship in a deeply experiential weekend.