As the new year begins, so do resolutions. But what if you could be part of the 8% who succeed instead of the 92% who don’t?
These are my tried and true, sure-fire ways to ensure success with your New Year’s resolutions this year:
And you
When will you begin that long journey
Into yourself?
– Rumi
I’m feeling grateful for my age.
Not the creaky knees and grey hair part… but the wisdom part.
Where I’ve gained the necessary perspective that life is a journey full of both heart-breaking sadness and exquisite joy.
And the awareness that the parts that break your heart are the very essence of what brings you the most joy.
The holidays are upon us. And I’m aware that the wisdom I’ve gained over the years allows me to embrace both the joyful anticipation of special time with family and friends as well as the deep and tender sadness of missing those I loved and lost.
I can touch into both and allow them to sit side by side at my table.
I’m aware that while there will be no pitter patter of little feet or squeals of joy on Christmas morning. I’m also grateful that I have a son who is now a better cook than I am to help me plan and orchestrate the holiday meals.
I’m aware that while I’m missing my extended family who are spread across the country and it will be just “my dear family of 4” at the Thanksgiving table that we are a small but mighty tribe who love each other well and deeply.
My age has provided me the perspective that life is a mixed bag.
It’s Mid-Life for me now.
I reached a marker birthday this year.
I watched my youngest graduate from college. And launched him off into the world…
I celebrated 30 years with my sweetheart.
I can look back at a rich career that provided the blessing of walking alongside the most amazing people and sharing in their journey of becoming.
I’m feeling the loss of my role as “full-time” mom.
And the recognition that my time with my dear Mom is a finite reality.
I’m thankful for the “extra time” I have now to do my daily yoga and my nightly ritual of tea and a good book- but I’m also missing that nighttime ritual of tucking little ones into bed- and even the frenzy of the morning routine getting kids off to school.
I have more time to “think” now.
And I’m aware that I’m looking forward to the next phase of my life with the same perspective I’m looking forward to the holidays. There is some sadness and loss there. Some trepidation about what comes next.
As well as some excitement and anticipation for the surprises and open opportunities this new time of life affords.
It’s that messy middle place – where I can look back and say WOW- that was a lot of work and I learned so much and I’m so grateful for the journey
AND….
There are some big regrets – there were some missed opportunities and some unhealed parts still yet to work through
AND
I still have some adventures and dreams I hope to realize.
One of my goals this year is to support women who are in this Mid-life process with me.
Women who are at a transition point in their lives.
Women who have a perspective from a life well-lived to apply to the life they still have yet to live.
Women who yearn to find their own significance and utilize all the gifts their journey afforded them.
It may be the end of an era, but it’s also the beginning of a new one.
Are you a woman who is at a cross-roads-and wondering what the next steps will be?
Join us and discover how you can move forward with more authenticity and resiliency and with a deeper sense of your worthiness.
Our life is still unfinished.
The place of the messy middle can be confusing, even depressing. It can make us question who we are and where we’re going.
But we women have so much more left to give. More than at any other point in our lives. All it takes is for us rise strong and dare to go forth greatly.
This small, intimate workshop is both educational and deeply experiential- designed to provide a safe and supportive space for you to identify what’s holding you back from stepping more fully into the life you truly desire. Where our values and most significant truths guide the next steps – and the second acts that we long for.
“I greatly appreciate the space that Cynthia created for each of us to share our stories whenever we were ready to do so with no pressure, just encouragement. She adapted the schedule as we needed and made sure we were all heard and supported”
“This weekend was profoundly meaningful! Cynthia creates a connecting, safe learning environment where we were all free to explore big aspects of our lives, inviting positive growth and change toward developing our best selves. We were so well cared for, from the food, to the location, to the programming- every detail was so well thought out and contributed to a regenerating and re-fueling retreat weekend!”
“This was a lovely weekend of Rising Strong with smart and emotionally intelligent women. I felt like it gave me a start to redefine my life and give voice to my feelings which I’m not always comfortable with. I came away with the courage to go deeper”
“For every session Cynthia had great bits of wisdom that made the material come alive and really resonated with me this weekend! Fabulous!”
It’s a gift to yourself to take some time away to ask some of those big questions.
And take the time to ponder and plan and dream and hope. To find clarity and meaning.
And to have a guide at your side that can help you find your way forward, or unravel those old wounds, or reveal that strength and courage within you…
To create a life of wonderful significance.
And start to free yourself from your past identities, wounds, and limitations.
Daring Greatly From the Mid-Point Forward will show you how to move forward from your core values and live a whole-hearted life where your most significant truths drive your steps forward.
All in the context of the very phase of life you find yourself now, with people who know exactly what you’re going through. So everything is tailored to what you face right now in your life.
January 20th & 21st
9am-4pm
The Saturn Building –Fremont
$495
Register HereAnd then coming in April take it one step further….
Rising Strong From the Mid-Point Forward ISLAND RETREAT will show you how to make sense of your story and write some new endings. How to learn from the losses and how to rumble with the unhealed parts of your journey so you can move forward with more truth and authenticity.
April 13-15th
Whidbey Island, Washington
$850
Register HereBrené Brown defines authenticity as:
“The daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”
So becoming authentic is about letting go of who we think others want us to be, and beginning to operate from a deep place that represents our truest self.
But when we have been programmed from an early age to care about what others think- it’s hard to let go of that. We struggle to embrace a new practice of honesty and forthright behavior.
And, as Brené describes it, it is a practice.
Much like learning to meditate or ride a bike or cook or learn a new language.
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen” – Brené Brown
So it’s a practice and a series of choices.
The first part of being authentic is to let go of what others think.
And the second and sometimes more difficult part is to cultivate what you think. What you believe in and know to be true. This is where the work often comes in.
It means living purposefully from our values, and that takes some time and effort and contemplation, but I know from experience it is worth the effort.
When we can identify our 3 or 4 core values- and use those to make our difficult but daily decisions about how to live our life or allocate our time- our decisions become so much easier.
Go ahead and take a moment to define your own core values…
Write down your 3 or 4 highest core values.
These might be things like love or social justice or integrity or family or relationships or hard work or honesty or a healthy lifestyle.
Keep it in a place you can refer to often.
Reminding yourself of your core values will keep you on track and grounded.
Where we often get into trouble is when 2 of our values begin to compete with each other.
For example one of my values is a strong work ethic and responsibility to my commitments.
But I also hold family as one of my top 3 core values- so I need to put family first and limit my commitments to work or outside activities to tend to that first.
This helps me plan my day and govern my decisions.
I can stand right inside my integrity when I have to say no to a volunteer opportunity or even the more difficult one of a promotion or assignment at work if it means taking away precious time that I have allotted to family.
We are so programmed to operate out of the “should’s” in our life that we sometimes don’t know what we would do if we “could.”
Connect deeply and vulnerably with the ones who really matter... and finally be seen as the real you.
Cultivate a life filled with more happiness, connection, and courage as we walk through each step of The 10 Guideposts for Whole-Hearted Living, based on Dr Brené Brown’s piercing work into shame, resilience, worthiness, and the courage to keep rising back up.
The choice to be authentic is a difficult one.
It sounds nice but how do we begin to do it- when we are so influenced by others around us?
One of the big questions I often use to ask myself- what would I do if no one cared?
What if I didn’t have to tell anyone what my decision or action was?
What if I only had myself to please?
What would I do then??
Now that doesn’t give us license to just go around behaving badly—because that’s not who we really are at our core.
It’s not our “best” self or our “worst self – but rather our most honest self.
We might ruffle some feathers when we bring our truth forward. We might get criticized or judged or even (dare I say it?) “left out”…. which is our ultimate and primal fear- being ostracized by the group.
But the greater risk is to go through life living a lie. To live in ways that are outside our internal integrity. To cut ourselves off from our deepest feelings, needs , and truths. This is the road to the slow death of our vibrancy, vitality and joy.
As E.E. Cummings says:
“To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody but yourself—means to fight the hardest battle which any human can fight—and never stop fighting.”
The fight to become the truest version of yourself is so important.
Because if you don’t, the world will miss out on your unique gifts, talents and contributions.
But more importantly you will miss out on the joy, fulfillment and connection that comes with allowing others to truly see you, know you, and appreciate you- which is at the heart of feeling deeply loved and living Whole-Heartedly.
This article is excerpted from our 17 day Whole-Hearted Living Challenge…
Join us on our 17 day challenge as we go through each of the 10 Guideposts to Whole-Hearted Living and embrace life fully.
Click here to to learn more and join us on the challenge »
Are you ready to get focused and design your best year yet?
It seems everywhere I turn, people are sharing with me how they want to embrace life more whole-heartedly, more courageously, and expressing a strong desire to be more connected with an authentic tribe they can explore this process with.
Every day someone asks me:
“How I can make whole hearted living an integral part of my regular, busy, daily life?”
So in the spirit of the holidays, the best gift I could think of to give you is to take you on a FREE 17 day journey to unwrap the 10 Guideposts to Whole-Hearted Living and show you the HOW of embracing life whole-heartedly.
Make 2017 your best year ever.
Are you ready to get focused and design your best year yet?
It seems everywhere I turn, people are sharing with me how they want to embrace life more whole-heartedly, more courageously, and expressing a strong desire to be more connected with an authentic tribe they can explore this process with.
Every day someone asks me:
So in the spirit of the holidays, the best gift I could think of to give you is to take you on a FREE 17 day journey to unwrap the 10 Guideposts to Whole-Hearted Living and show you the HOW of embracing life whole-heartedly.
Make 2017 your best year ever.
If cultivating a life filled with more happiness, connection, and courage is on your to do list in 2017, then join me as we walk through each step of The 10 Guideposts for Whole-Hearted Living, based on Dr Brené Brown’s life-altering work.
Count me in for my best year ever!
I’ll give you strategies to work with letting go of your inner critic, tools for how to develop resilience, and the power to embrace your own worthiness. And when you have those resources in your backpack, you will find the courage to keep rising back up in the face of disappointment, frustration, loss or heartache.
Every few days up until the new year – I will be sending you a HOW TO for each one of the Guideposts.
That’s it – my gift for you this holiday.
It’s time to let go of the old and ring in the new.
All that’s left is for you to say yes get started!:
Cynthia, I’m In. Let’s do this!
…..but WAIT there’s more! LOL
As an added bonus… I’ve done your holiday shopping for you as well.
You can give the gift of a whole new way to begin the New Year to a friend or family member without spending a dime.
I’ve arranged it so you can send them a digital bundle of my most powerful resources along with an invite for them to join you on the journey to whole-hearted living.
This experience is SO much better than a holiday sweater or a new gadget!
It’s an opportunity to explore, a whole new way to live life!
Give this gift to yourself and someone you love MOST! The world will be a better place for it.
It was the week before our Hold Me Tight™ Workshop in Seattle and my colleague and co-presenter Joseph Losi and I received an email from one of our participants telling us she was planning to ask for a divorce during the workshop. We called each other right away to discuss how best to handle this.
Of course, we’ve had couples before who were teetering on the edge of divorce. In fact 3 –days before our first workshop a couple called to cancel because they had decided to split up. A day later they phoned to say they would try this “one more thing.” Naturally this made us nervous, but happily they went home with a new understanding of each other and a roadmap for how to heal their broken relationship. And we went home with newfound confidence and gratitude for the Hold Me Tight™ process!
But it doesn’t always end on a happy note. We have had a few couples that couldn’t break through the pain and cycle, and this caused disappointment all around.
Before the workshop, we always send out questionnaires to screen for potential problems. We have a statement on our website that clearly states that this workshop is not a substitute for couples therapy and is not appropriate for couples in crisis or dealing with alcohol/drug or physical abuse.
However, we knew we had a responsibility to the others in the group and it was a dilemma. We were worried about this couple and we were worried about their impact on the group dynamics.
We decided to write an email outlining the reasons we didn’t believe this was the best forum for them at this moment in their relationship, and offered to fully refund their fee as well as to help them find an EFT therapist. Thankfully the woman wrote back grateful for our thoughtful response and letting us know they planned to come to Seattle anyway as airline tickets and hotels were already purchased.
She asked if we could refer them to a good couples therapist for Friday. I had planned to take the day off for some self-care before the workshop, but something in me couldn’t let it go- and I decided to offer them an afternoon intensive on Friday.
They began to see themselves in the demon dialogue of attack and defend: they could see how she over-functioned from anxiety and he under-functioned and pulled away to protect himself from failure. They uncovered an attachment wound that happened on their honeymoon and were able to re-process what that had been like for both of them.
When the 4-hour intensive was over she told me she had a funny question to ask me. I knew what it was. Could they still attend the workshop?
As the weekend progressed, I watched them move closer and risk with one another, hold hands and cry, and I knew they were on the way to a new relationship — one based on secure attachment and authentic connection.
We all risked a lot in this encounter. We reached for each other, and there was a solid evidenced-based and scientifically proven process of Emotion Focused Therapy to repair what was broken. I am so grateful for this work, grateful for this process, and those who developed it as well as my colleague Joseph, who shares it with me and those we serve.
And for that I am grateful!
A therapist for over 20 years, I guide people from their own “stuck” places to a life full of adventure, meaning and satisfying relationships.
